In a nanosecond David lost his thumb, the one his mother painted with pine pitch when he was four to keep him from forever sucking it. Unable to distinguish human flesh the McCormick silo filler sliced it off— nail, bone, knuckle— and blew it skyward an ounce of humanity in a thousand tons of silage.
Taken by surprise David suppressed the truth. Before the rush of blood he held up the stump saw the clean cut grey bone marrow visible and thrust it in his mouth where the memory of childhood security lay. Then he swore, tears rushing to his eyes, and ran holding the stump with his good hand blood oozing between his fingers.
Joe, a huge bulk of a man and a constant neighbor, jumped from his wagon caught David like a child held him to his chest not intimidated by blood or the tears of a grown man.
Here are my serious responses to “funny jokes” other passengers made about our delayed flight:
Joke 1: “looks like we’re gonna have to get out and hitchhike.”
Response: This is unlikely. Hitchhiking from the Phoenix airport to the Dallas / Ft. Worth area would be remarkably inefficient when considering travel-time, and the fact that 100+ passengers would have to compete with each other for the few opportunities in which a Phoenix-based commuter would permit 1 to three strangers to ride in their vehicle, and for a period of approximately twenty hours.
Joke 2: “it’s a good thing it broke down now, and not in the air.”
Response: Yes, this is extremely positive, as the hydraulic leak would have likely caused a catastrophic mechanical failure resulting in a high-altitude crash in which your and my bodies would be virtually indistinguishable from each other or from additional scorched remains and wreckage due to impact with the sandy yellow floor of northern New Mexico.
Joke 3: “Why do we need pilots?”
Response: Pilots allow for safe navigation of the 47-ton steel and fiberglass vehicle in which we are presently sitting. Without pilots, this vehicle would serve no purpose, save for possibly an abstract sense usually reserved for modern installation art. Were we to attempt to operate this vehicle, within moments we would likely find ourselves seconds away from a high-speed impact with the sandy yellow floor of northern New Mexico.
I’m getting it back with that terrible feeling My vision is cracked, but it looks like it’s healing I’m getting it back like it’s four in the morning When the sun only shines as if it’s giving a warning
Rejected Football Promo (Featuring John Mellancamp, America)
Today, Cracked.com is running an exclusive release of the newest Summer of Tears short, which also features Good Neighbor and Invisible Engine (which includes me). All three groups went to USC together, and nearly all of us are alumni of Commedus Interruptus, SC’s 20-year-old improv and sketch group.
This short represents the first time the three generations of us have gotten together to do something. A huge thanks to the Summer of Tears guys for including us on this one, and letting us be a part of this… challenging shoot. Regardless, it was a ton of fun, and I hope we all get to do something again soon.
May I present you this masterpiece and the most indicting short I’ve ever been a part of, starring Will Greenberg, Rob Kerkovich, Nick Massouh, Kirsten Eggers, Beck Bennett, Nick Rutherford, Sean Bury, Matt Wyatt, Babar Peerzada, and Sara Nixon-Kirschner.
Insomnia is an all-night travel agency with posters advertising faraway places. Thee the sea is always blue and so is the sky. A little white hotel with green shutters waits for you, each one of its rooms “a thing of twilight, bluish and roseate.”
Like a traveler weary of his journeying, you undress with the window open. The setting sun wears a red turban. The sea is dark blue. In the lush garden swallows are darting. When the night finally falls, veiled Scheherazade will bring mint tea to your bed.
In the meantime, silence and your shadow on the bare wall.
If no one ever played a Bon Jovi song again, on the radio or in a bar or at a sporting event, would the world be any different?
Answers at 9:00 am
Because like everything in the early 21st century, things are being QA’d at the same time they’re being used by a mass audience, so now we’re in an eternal game of catching up with ourselves.
It would be awesome at first, but then become a major social liability.
The real question is, what AREN’T the birds angry about?
Because you secretly see it as either a foreboding outcome to either your or my life, or maybe the ultimate escape.
