THE POLICE ACADEMY FORMULA

After watching Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol tonight, I think I’ve finally broken every one of the films down on a granular level. It exists on a cosmic level, somewhere deeper than story. The following formula is true, give or take a few variables (in the first film the main characters ARE the recruits, Harris and Mauser recastings, Mahoney protagonist shifts, etc).

Every Police Academy film is as follows:

— Commandant Lassard has an idea.

— Mahoney is called in. Mahoney smirks.

— The rest of the team is brought on board with Lassard’s idea.

— A golf ball is hit inside a room, several duck, someone or something is hit, the goldfish is referenced.

— Harris gets wind of the plan, decides to shut it down / show it up. He explains this to Proctor in a calm, belittling voice before yelling at him and then saying / doing something stupid involving his body / sexuality.

— Proctor misunderstands, acts as a child.

— Jones makes a sound effect that sullies Harris in a way that diffuses his power.

— The Commissioner gives stern off-hand exposition.

ACT II (in no particular order)

— New recruits

— Hightower engages in acts of intimidation / strength.

— Zed oscillates in his displayed levels of psychosis / sweetness.

— Tackleberry is somehow involved with a dangerous weapon going off (usually gun or grenade)

— Callahan’s breasts are referenced / shown (sometimes wet) / grasped at by men.

— The sexual ambiguity of Harris and Proctor’s close professional relationship is repeatedly called into question by suboordinates.

— Proctor is the victim of a cruel practical joke, but his good nature shows through even at the highest level of embarrassment.

— Throughout, Hooks squeaks, and finally screams loudly (although not in 4).

— Sweetchuck goes through the motions of disgrace (if he is in the movie).

— There is a shit joke.

— Jones’ karate character makes a comedic appearance as foreshadowing.

— Mahoney continues to hit on a blonde woman.

— Act II ends with Harris getting the upper hand.

— The Commissioner returns to give more stern exposition, this time in the form of some sort of warning.

ACT III

— A legitimate criminal element asserts that it does in fact need to be dealt with immediately.

— Mahoney spearheads a spectacular capture.

— Jones’ karate character appears again, but this time to kick ass.

— An officer is dropped from an aerial vehicle.

— Harris is rescued by someone for which it is most humiliating for him (hoodlum kids he sent to jail, Mahoney, Hightower)

— Mahoney secures the girl.

That’s about it. I invite discussion on this. This formula should be refined. Let’s also add that Corrine Bohrer, who becomes Bobcat’s girlfriend in 4, needs to be 25 years younger and marry me. Also, I wish there were more of Bud and his dad in the films (they lovingly punch each other all the time).