List for a Decade: Elizabeth & Chris

We totally blew the Shaun of the Dead death listed here—it’s meant to be DAVID, not Pete. Still, here’s a pretty fun list of the Best Movie Deaths of the Decade, by Elizabeth and me!

filmosophy:

A different kind of list.

by Elizabeth Wilcox and Christopher Cantwell

Filmosophy asked its contributors if they’d be interested in writing up best-of-the-decade lists. We the undersigned (Christopher Cantwell and Elizabeth Wilcox) decided the interests of our audience would be best served by a list chronicling the Best Movie Deaths of the Decade. Below, you will find the result of many hours of debate over ten years’ worth of shootings, stranglings, explosions, stabbings, eviscerations, and any other way those sick bastards who made these movies were able to imagine someone dying. (To keep things un-icky, we decided not to include deaths that actually happened to people in real life, so movies based on true stories/documentaries are out, despite how awesome the deaths may have been.) If you haven’t seen all of the movies below, there may be some spoilers. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

Without further ado, we present to you:

THE TWELVE BEST MOVIE DEATHS OF THE DECADE (2000-2009)

12.) Henry Brands (Kevin J. O’Connor) in There Will Be Blood (2007)

“What was the name of the farm next to the Hill House?” Daniel Plainview asks his supposed brother late at night during their camping trip. The question is meant to verify his long-lost brother’s identity. Only a few seconds later, Daniel pulls a tiny calibre pistol and shoots the imposter in the skull, blowing through just enough of Henry’s brain to make him die. Daniel holds him steady and the man writhes a little bit, just as Daniel’s last shred of humanity dies along with him. There’s a more graphic death later in the film, but it wouldn’t have happened without this one. What’s great is that we sympathize more with Daniel here than Henry.

11.) Majid (Maurice Benichou) in Cache (2005)

This super-creepy foreign film deals with a series of surveillance tapes, coming from an unknown source, that are sent to a couple with a nebulous intent to scare them out of their minds. The tapes lead Georges, the male protagonist, to the home of Majid, a man whose parents once worked for Georges’ parents when Georges and Majid were children. It comes to light that Georges tormented Majid throughout their youth, and when Georges begins to accuse Majid of making the surveillance tapes, it’s too much for Majid to bare. He invites Georges to his modest apartment. Just after Georges arrives, Majid slashes his own throat, spraying blood all over the wall and floor. It’s an incredibly terrifying and very inconsiderate thing to do when you’re hosting a guest.

10.) Pete (Peter Serafinowicz) in Shaun of the Dead (2004)

Pete is the jerk that we’re waiting on to die in Shaun of the Dead, the one that will obviously get killed. Then the zombies pull him through a window, behead him, and tear his guts out of his stomach. Our cheering turns to queasiness, and more than a few of us get that little vomit burp in the backs of our throats as we learn to be careful with what we ask for.

9.) The Nose Explosion Death in A History of Violence (2005)

Tom Stall finally reveals himself to be the killer Ed Harris has insisted he is when he dispatches Ed Harris and his henchman company near the end of this film. But of all the deaths, none matches Tom’s repeated-bashing-of-man’s-nose-into-skull-with-flat-of-palm-while-family-watches. The guy’s nose is essentially turned into a wet poinsettia of bone fragments and cartilage. It leaves our sinuses throbbing.

8.) Captain Queenan (Martin Sheen) in The Departed (2006)

Martin Sheen silently falling from a building roof is what we see every time we close our eyes. He hits the ground like water balloon of guts, dousing Leo DiCaprio in a macabre suprise bath as he rounds the corner. What’s worse is he has to act like everything’s okay when his gangster friends pick him up right after his main connection to a better life splats all over his face (and a little in his mouth).

7.) Arthur Edens (Tom Wilkinson) in Michael Clayton (2007)

Though right about more than he knows, Edens’ severe mental problems open the window for his murderers, who frame his death to look like a suicide. Wilkinson gets a quick injection in between his toes and he’s dead. There’s nothing worse, nor more scary, than a paranoid manic depressive being proven correct.

6.) Death Proof (2007)

Kurt Russell rips the face off a woman with a tire of a car. He also kills three other girls at the same time with the most insane murder weapon of the decade: a death-proof muscle car traveling at top speed into an intentional head-on collision. Tarantino repeats the crash four times to show us every grisly detail of every grisly death, just to make sure we don’t miss anything. It’s still not as gross as when Kurt Russell eats nachos earlier in the film.

5.) Jack Twist (Jake Gyllenhaal) in Brokeback Mountain (2005)

Is Jack Twist murdered, or did his tire really explode and kill him? Is Ennis just imagining the violent death of his partner as Jack’s wife relates the “true” version over the phone? Could it be just more of Ennis’ paranoia over his own homosexuality? Regardless, this powerfully sad moment of Brokeback Mountain acts as the culmination of a life spent in regret, trying to recapture the innocence of youth and love. It’s the last straw that sends Ennis into seclusion for the rest of his life, and it’s right around here that you can see the first sign of our tears.

4.) Dave Boyles (Tim Robbins) in Mystic River (2003)

In Chris’ opinion, Mystic River is an overblown, extremely arrogant piece of filmmaking. But Elizabeth likes it, and says it reminds her of a good Greek tragedy, or Macbeth. Regardless of differing opinion, both of us agree that the scene in which Dave Boyles is wrongfully murdered by childhood friend Sean Penn for a crime he did not commit truly wrenches the gut. And not just because that’s where the knife ends up in Tim Robbins.

3.) Death in No Country for Old Men (2007)

Every death in this film is chilling, and inevitable. Javier Bardem’s killer seems to glide through the movie as the Hand of Fate himself, even though in the end he is proven to be just as much a victim of the Fate and happenstance he seems to deal. The deaths are graphic, matter-of-fact, and often come with no dignity. We feel them coming, they happen in front of us, and they stay imprinted in our memories perhaps forever. We hope for a guide in front of us, one that carries the fire to light our way, but that hope is just a dream in the end, and we are only left with death. We couldn’t decide which death affected us most, and decided ultimately that it was Death itself.

2.) Boromir (Sean Bean) in The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)

We think Boromir’s death may be the most heroic death of the decade, and it’s definitely one of the best, most poignant moments of this epic trilogy. Throughout their journey, the Fellowship has doubted Boromir’s good intentions. Boromir himself has doubted his good intentions. He nearly betrays Frodo and Middle Earth, then cries in apology, and at this point we think this guy might be the weakest dude this side of Rohan. But then he kicks some serious orc ass. He takes several arrows to the chest, but he slays enough of Sauron’s bad guys to allow the Hobbits to escape, which in turn allows us to sit through eight more hours of director’s cuts.

1.) Chad Feldheimer (Brad Pitt) in Burn After Reading (2008)

Brad Pitt gives a big smile and then gets shot in the face at point blank range. By George Clooney, nonetheless. Winner.

Honorable Mentions:

Ellie in UP (2009)

Donnie Darko in Donnie Darko (2001)

The Cow Hit by a Car in O Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000)

Maximus’s Wife and Child in Gladiator (2000)

Donald Kaufman in Adaptation (2002)

Death of Star Wars in Revenge of the Sith (2005)

The Death of Cinema in Transformers 2 (2009)