cantwell

The Thumb by Peter Schneider In a nanosecond David lost his thumb,the one his mother paintedwith...

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 12:05:00 -0800

The Thumb by Peter Schneider In a nanosecond David lost his thumb,the one his mother paintedwith...

Here are my serious responses to “funny jokes” other passengers made about our delayed...

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 16:24:00 -0800

Here are my serious responses to “funny jokes” other passengers made about our delayed...

bradc: ewilcox: redpajamas: Dr. Dog - “The Rabbit, the Bat,...

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 10:41:55 -0800

bradc:

ewilcox:

redpajamas:

Dr. Dog - “The Rabbit, the Bat, and the Reindeer”

I’m getting it back with that terrible feeling
My vision is cracked, but it looks like it’s healing
I’m getting it back like it’s four in the morning
When the sun only shines as if it’s giving a warning

I will always reblog this song.

As will I.

Me 3.

Rejected Football Promo (Featuring John Mellancamp,...

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 10:30:36 -0800

Rejected Football Promo (Featuring John Mellancamp, America)

Today, Cracked.com is running an exclusive release of the newest Summer of Tears short, which also features Good Neighbor and Invisible Engine (which includes me). All three groups went to USC together, and nearly all of us are alumni of Commedus Interruptus, SC’s 20-year-old improv and sketch group.

This short represents the first time the three generations of us have gotten together to do something. A huge thanks to the Summer of Tears guys for including us on this one, and letting us be a part of this… challenging shoot. Regardless, it was a ton of fun, and I hope we all get to do something again soon.

May I present you this masterpiece and the most indicting short I’ve ever been a part of, starring Will Greenberg, Rob Kerkovich, Nick Massouh, Kirsten Eggers, Beck Bennett, Nick Rutherford, Sean Bury, Matt Wyatt, Babar Peerzada, and Sara Nixon-Kirschner.

NOW LET’S PLAY SOME FUCKIN’ FOOTBALL!!

I’m going to need my office to look exactly like this.

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 18:47:21 -0800

I’m going to need my office to look exactly like this.

robhuebel: Oh crap this made me laugh. (thanks...

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 17:25:31 -0800

robhuebel:

Oh crap this made me laugh.

(thanks @paulscheer)

Yes

vincentpeone: joshruben: new character Holy shit!

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 17:16:35 -0800

vincentpeone:

joshruben:

new character

Holy shit!

"Cornell's White Nights," by Charles Simic

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 09:58:24 -0800

ewilcox: Insomnia is an all-night travel agency with posters advertising faraway places. Thee the...

Sarah Palin's Lost Concession and Victory Speeches

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 14:10:05 -0800

Sarah Palin's Lost Concession and Victory Speeches: Amazing.

Things to Ponder at 7:00 am

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 09:00:49 -0800

ewilcox: Why did it take me so long to open up this text window? If I started wearing velcro...

"I hate The Net [with Sandra Bullock].” “why?” “It’s SO..."

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 22:38:41 -0800

“I hate The Net [with Sandra Bullock].” “why?” “It’s SO...

seanbury: I’m pumped! scottgairdner: It’s gonna be...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 14:50:59 -0800

seanbury:

I’m pumped!

scottgairdner:

It’s gonna be Scottobular!

This will help a lot of things in my life.

Another Cantwell Gets Angry

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 13:20:44 -0800

Another Cantwell Gets Angry

Tell Them Anything You Want

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 11:13:41 -0800

Tell Them Anything You Want: Spike Jonze’s and Lance Bangs’ documentary on Maurice...

Happy Halloween from Elizabeth and me.

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 23:13:21 -0700

Happy Halloween from Elizabeth and me.

And this is what I’m going as for Halloween.

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 15:03:55 -0700

And this is what I’m going as for Halloween.

I will find the bird.

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 08:33:02 -0700

I will find the bird.

Happy Halloween. Jason Voorhees is gay.

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 20:55:49 -0700

Happy Halloween. Jason Voorhees is gay.

cmg420: “What can be more exciting than GOING to the...

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 10:30:43 -0700

cmg420:

“What can be more exciting than GOING to the circus!”

teamtigerawesome:

Ted Sampon: Come for the Brunch, Stay for the Pitch

Ted’s video blog “StunTed” goes viral … sort of. This can mean only one thing for Ted … ill-advised business venture!

Starring Michael R. Truly, Elle Newlands, Clay Dzygun, and Christopher J Maldonado. Directed by Clint Gage. Shot by Jonathon Nicholas.

Click here to catch up on the previous episodes.

YESSSSSS!!

Carl Sagan Visited Me in a Dream Last night, I had a dream where...

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 20:12:00 -0700

Carl Sagan Visited Me in a Dream

Last night, I had a dream where I applied to live in Carl Sagan’s house for a week. Apparently, there was some sort of program where one could do this, pay a nominal fee, and live in Carl Sagan’s seaside home.

I arrived at the house to find it in disarray—messy. The house was supposed to be cleaned after each visit in preparation for the new tenant, but it had not been. It was like the program was losing funding. I sat in the house for a while, then suddenly, Carl Sagan walked in. He was in a dress shirt and jeans, and was sweat-drenched. He told me that since the house was built partially on beach side, a harsh inland tide was beginning to flood the floors. He’d been working outside all day to drain the ocean water from the sandy foundation.

I offered to help. He brought me outside, and showed me a long thin iron pipe that rose straight up from a hole in the sand. The pipe bent at a 90 degree angle and extended horizontally a few feet, suspended above the ground at about waist-height. At the end of the pipe was an industrial turn-crank. Carl showed me how to turn the crank, which in turn drained water from the foundation of the house and caused the flood waters to recede. There was an identical pipe-crank-drainer device a few feet away from him, and I started to work on this one. It was really hard to turn the crank and drain the water. Eventually, I stopped turning the crank on my device. Because of the pressure I’d built up, the entire pipe device instead swiveled in the opposite direction, and pinned itself against Carl’s chest. He cried out, and ocean water poured out from underneath the back porch door and down the cement steps like a waterfall.

Carl chastised me, and I redoubled my efforts. This time, when I turned the crank, I turned it too hard, and the metal piping just gave, twisting and bending, as if I didn’t have enough leverage. I tried to untwist the piping before Carl saw, but he noticed anyway. He stopped working, smiled, then went to the drain base of my device, readjusted it, and showed me how to turn the crank effectively. We worked together from then on, draining the ocean water from the house.

This is how I learned to correctly masturbate in reverse.